butterfly fly away~

thanks YC for the night out last nite. however, i am not quite myself last nite. sorry.
certain things are on my mind and happening rite in front of my eyes. just can't hide the uncomfortable feelings inside me.

i miss high school.
i miss rezuin.
and i am sure gonna miss tQah.
i miss nana.
and to those yg ada semlm, i am starting to miss u guys already.

oh. Love Life?
i am happy.
i can't say i am perfectly happy.
but enough to stop me from complaining.

college life.
okay. hectic. coping.
turning over a new leaf?
maybe.

caterpillar in a tree.
how u wonder who u'd be.
can't go far but u can always dream.

wish u may & wish u might.
don't u worry hold on tight.
i promise u that there wud come a day.
butterfly fly away~

XOXO

numb.

i can't explain this feeling.
i hate what i'm feeling.
it feels like insecurity.

what is insecurity?
it's a disastrous feeling that could lead us astray.
and it's ur own fault if u feel that way.

serve me right for having this feeling.
yet i can't seem to get rid of it.
sigh~

it looks promising.
yet, it is so fragile that u won't do anything to it in case it might break.
when i started to blog in this manner again, it could mean a lot.
but right now i am suffering from a heart disease.
i'm afraid i might suffers from OCD.
which is not good.

repeat, not good!

we're not fragile.
instead,

I am.

not understanding what i'm saying?
ignore me then. :)

XOXO

random rambling.

naz balik subang tak btau!! merajuk. huh. dengan ini kamu diwajibkan balik untuk yc buka puasa minggu depan tau! tak kira..cuti merdeka kan? so kne balik jgk!~ :D

meanwhile, i am like soo looking forward to be with Yc! and if azrai ade suh die shut up bout puncak alam. i am hating it. :))

oh oh. ain makin buruk skrg. sangat x diva ok. haha. apela ain merepek. actually petang nnt ade test, tp tp..rse malas sgt nk jwb. tp what to do, jawab jela nnt kan walaupun study x ckp. :)) exercise test lak tueh. this sem mcm byk blaja neuro je. dlm exs pn terselit neuro. lalala~

ym ain gile taley login. malas da nk cube. sooo..cr ain di fb ye. lalala~ oh oh. carikan ain tauhu bakar!! mengidam... :( pregnant. :P haha. ok merepek. xde kene mengena. oh, maw sotong kangkung juge. (i mam sotong je, kangkung tu korg mam la. :D)

selamat berbuka bile masuk maghrib nnt!~
lalala~

XOXO

Sorry. :)

Friends,

i am truly sorry. for every mistakes I've done. purposely or not. i know, some of you mightfelt uneasy being around me. thus, i take this opportunity in seeking forgiveness. i know, once we're hurt, it's hard to give forgiveness. but, please do try.

for once, i wanted to TRY to actually understand this month. the meaning & the reason ALLAH blessed us with this month. i need ur help, forgive me so that i could go through the month with ease.

i promise myself, i will try to change. i will try to forget the hurt i've felt. :)


Happy Fasting dearest!~

XOXO

"Dahla CACAT, MALAS plak tueh"

That's the sentence that my beloved lecturer, Hj. Bahman shouted to us every time the OM students pass by our class practicing the wheelchair at the corridors of the faculty building. or specifically dekat "Restoran Jejantas". :D

jatuh dengan bahagianye~

okay. so, this week my class would practice doing a wheelie with the wheelchair. haha. susah kot! dahla badan ringan, penakut lak tue. haha. takpe, usaha tangga kejayaan. or as En.Bahman put it,

"Wahai orang-orang cacat sekalian, berusahalah sampai berjaya!"

and and...budak-budak yang lalu semua tengok pelik je. haha. betul-betul rase mcm OKU da. :P
lagi-lagi, bile budak OM lalu je, En.Bahman saje panggil ktorg cacat kuat2. haha.




Sgt kagum dengan OKU yang guna manual wheelchair & boleyh buat wheelie dgn senangnye. Malu klau orang yang normal macam Ain taley buat jgak. cet..

haha. penat oh mendaki guna wheelchair.

XOXO

smile :)

i had been complaining. lol.

once a friend said, "baguslah gaduh, gaduh yang buat korg rapat."
macam pelik je statement tu kan? somehow, it is much or less the truth. okay. i do not want to elaborate on this.

instead, i am preparing myself. to confront the start of extra super duper hectic-ness. wujud ke that word? wtv. the assignments had start. presentation tests etc etc. haha. lambat kan? orang lain da lame start.

what i mean is that, i baru nk start giving attention to all this crap. eh eh tak. bukan crap. *important aspects* :D

i am crapping again, am i? lalala~
i just don't feel like blogging structurely like emkay does. to go through my day like ween? haha. nnt korg cakap sumpah bosan. klas klas mkn tdo klas. what do u expect? puncak alam kott. bukan KL cam dulu, boleyla lunch mcd, dinner kenny rogers etc etc. shopping in between classes. DULU je boleh. skarang? troskan la bermimpi. sile sile.

i think i have a disorder. tak boleh tgk purse ade duit. mesti nk cr jln untuk belanjakan n habeskan. :)) serious. tbe2 rase nk lengkapkan peralatan-peralatan digital yang ain x pernah phm kenapa perlu ade sebelom nie. tbe2 nak beli printer..(okay this one mmg kne ade since sume org malas nk bwt service printer sbb ink yg susa nak dpt da n HIM da bising sbb asyik nak print stuffs tp tcr2 printer). n rase mcm nk beli pendrive lagi sbb asl cuti sem mesti ilang. haha. ngek ain membazir. mungkin ptt beli external hard disk. portable n besar. x senang ilang. :))

tlg la kawan2 ku. bunuh laa ain. x dpt shopping heels & handbag & clothes, gy shopping bende lain plak. oh, i did by a new bag. a nike bagpack. hahahaha. kan ain da kate. i wud buy just about anything nowadays. tp begpack to ade guna ok. utk swimming klas yg sgt x mwat nk bwk beg roxy gedik ain tueh. n syg nak bwk my choo's utk swimming. (poyo la ain!). so, untuk elakkan duet habes lebey banyak, ain nak mintak abah clark's untuk elakkan sakit kaki pkai sliper vincci yang mura n keras.

oh oh. a statement from someone. "ain skang pkai barang nike, adidas, reebok etc etc."
hahaha. kelakar laa statement tueh. korg percaya tak?? :D

okay. supposedly skang ain study neurosciences yang sgt byk lg x bace sbb esok MUNGKIN ada test. tapi... :P

okay okay. nk study la nie! bye!~

XOXO

home.

i'm home!~

sigh. i arrived home around 7 on sat evening. kejap gile dpt duk rumah. esok pagi ade swimming class. then out cari barang2 keperluan & before night time da kene balik puncak kejayaan. (heh?)
why am i complaining again?

mungkin jiwa yang sgt x tenang nie puncanya. sigh. since masuk kampus baru. terlalu banyak benda berubah. n for the first time ever, i rase sgt susah nak adapt with all these new things & situations.

a person once said, i'm lucky to have *him* by my side once we move to puncak alam. i am lucky to have him. but certain things had also changed between us. it's not alamanda. it's not shah alam. it's not subang either. nothing would stay the same forever. to adapt to this atmosphere is very time consuming. sigh.

sometimes i wonder, have i ever learnt how to adapt? no? i guess. instead, i acted like i'm adapting. like i could do this. i could survive here no prob alrite. that's actually easier to do then actually adapting myself. but once i'm alone, when the need to pretend is not there, i just couldnt restrain myself from thinking negatively of everything. academically & socially.

overseas. sigh. tqah is going away soon enuf. everytime i thot about it, i feel, empty. like i'm losing a friend. she will be back maybe one day. but still, emptiness feels my heart. oh yeah, tqah if u read this, haha. kelakar en?

fortunately, it's not all bad news this time. i'm having a good feeling academically. not theoritically tho. but i have to admit, my confidence level grew. (sket je pun, and not at all times) but still, it's an achievement kan? haha. ngek ain da gile.

oh. and i have this funny feelong inside of me. a feeling that is quite ridiculous for the moment. seriously, i think i'm losing my mind due to too many fresh air up there. *LOL* seriously mengarut.

oh, do ignore my rambling nowadays. i have no intention in blogging structurely.
kalau exam mmg da lama fail. :D

XOXO

Ain Malas.

oh fakta yang sangat x dpt disangkal. cubalah. xkn berjaya. ok ain merepek. haha.
sekarang tepat pukul 3 pagi. sangat bahagia online time nie sbb internet mcm laju je. haha. tapi ya allah, pemalasnya. patutnya mase2 nie la nk cr journal-journal menarik berkaitan femoral head #. tapi ain pilih utk blog. kenapa? sbb sgt xde mood nak buat assignmts eventho x ngantuk.

kepala lebih serabut memikirkan masalah yang x kemana. even if ain ignore pun, xde kesan pape pun kat hidup actually. tapi sgt ade kesan kat perasaan. i'm human ok? lol.
tapi buntu, x tau camane nk selesai masalah tue. x tau laa nk ckp. mslah mcm kecik. tp camane boley jdk besar pun ain x sedar.

salah ain ke? hurm. i do have the tendency to exagerate things. but i guess this problem has always been there. silently. and when the time comes (right about this time), it just explodes without warning. sigh. i'm crapping. i know.

actually ain xde point pun nak blog. tapi nk prepare presentation pn xde idea. so type jela dlm blog kan? ade orang kate ain minah bunga. lol. i know. mungkin laa kott.. haha. suke mengeluarkan ayat2 ala ala novel melayu & skema. (ewwh) tuela result tekanan perasaan actually. haha.

oh, 2 of my friends said they would try to find the book i suggested in my previous post. haha. mwahxes!~ ain takutla dgn response korg utk buku tue. tapi xpe..let time decides. argh. ain merepek lagi.

oh. ain ade bad habit. sangat sangat bad habit. ain sekarang tengah marathon. :D ade lagi 3 hari. huaa..cepatlaa habis. sian ain. naik turun tangga pn xde tenaga da. dala tggi nak mampus2 tangga tueh. suke2 je tau archi nie design tgga tggi2. sorry zieq & ifah. :D no offence k?

ade lagi satu bad habit. suka sgt pukul orang x tentu psal. okay, itu tindakan luar kawalan. disebabkan kegedikan yang melampau. fine. x gedik da. x pukul orang da. :D mesti org2 yg slalu kne pukul dgn ain bahagia bace post nie. :))

ade org tego, ain da besar. x sesuai nk gedik2 n manje2 nie. emm..tergamam gak laa ain mase die ckp tue. mcm x matang je ain ni kn? da 2nd year degree pun x matang2 lagi. lari patient nnt. haha. perasan. ntah dpt ntah x jd physio nieh. mcm x sesuai je kan ngan ain? insyaallah, boleh je.
cuma ain je malas sgt. emm.

nk buat penutup tp no idea. wtv.

XOXO

Femoral Head Fractures

Thank god Matul u did not get this type of fracture.

Major pain in the ass! Currently doing my assignment on this particular topic. Even that is already a major pain. :P why am i being such a complainer lately? sigh. Anyway, there's a rumor going around. What makes it even annoying is that it have everything to do with the H1N1 epidemic.
this epidemic is scary and annoying. how convenient. ngel~

if this rumor ever comes true. i am speechless as it is now. wtv.

rezuin, thanks sbb on9 kejup. i miss u!~ especially when u da remove ur blog. :P

XOXO

Terlanjur Cinta. :)

"Pemilik Cintaku"
By, Fatimah Syarha Mohd Noordin

i highly recommend this book to all my friends. especially my dearest YC.
:)

why? read it & u'll get what i mean.

to tell the truth, i am totally not a suitable candidate to suggest this book to anyone at all.
but this book makes me realized things i haven't before.
this book actually awakens me from thinking short termed.

honestly,
i am not making any drastic changes after reading it.
i am just too damn stubborn or simply,
lost in my own world.

but i don't want my friends to follow my steps.
it's never too late. i know.
but changes needs time.

God willing, we'll be a better person day by day. :)

Please, do try to find it and read it.

p/s: Sue, bacalah. Seriously.

XOXO

H1N1

"All the programs for this semester had been canceled due to H1N1."

sengal x statement tueh? Okay, my faculty n the pengarah campus had decided on this. and again, jr's induction had been canceled. this time, no more replacement. damn. we lost money coz the hamper had been bought, the food had been ordered and the stuffs had also been bought. what more can i say? honestly, to me it's unreasonable to canceled all programs due to these epidemic. the classes are still going on, co-curiculum is still on. so, whats the diff? we're still in contact withlots of people. and the students are still going out, means that they're still in contact with outsiders. thus, the possibility for the virus to get spread are still high.

whatever.

XOXO

untitled

one night of hell.

one used to say that i am too emotional.
and yes, i dont deny it.

but in attempt to control it. i didnt realise, i kept hurting myself on the way.
in my everyday life, not once am i not touched by something said to me or done to me.
thus, i made an approach not to blurt it out, instead i kept it to myself.
i tried healing myself, tho failed most of the times.

i tried positive thinking.
what they said is true. based on my own self. my own personality. my own characteristics.
but then, each time i came back home, i caught myself thinking.
am i really that natural?
or am i a plastic?

i acted like i dont care. i smiled i laughed along.
when all i'm thinking is that, when will all this stops?
maybe i'm destined to live this life.
but till when?

i have my limits. tho my limits had been crossed several times. several uncountable times.
i still kept it to myself. coz i dont see the point in me making a fuss out of it.
but the thing is, when u kept something to yourself long enuf, u will find yourself thinking bout it constantly.

these things that they said about me, its the truth.
i couldnt deny it one bit.
but couldnt i at least get some peace?
things dont change over in one night.
my conditions are not helping.

even when i'm typing, i'm recalling every names, every silly mistakes, every truths that hurts.
even when i'm typing, i'm thinking what will they say about this post.
even when i'm typing, i'm guessing what will you made fun of me this time.

thanks.
for being there when i need u the most.
my apologies.
if i'd ever hurt u in every way possible.

tonight, is just one night of hell.

XOXO

Mira Kartika Bt. Zainal

Happy Birthday Emkay!~
Sweet 19th~

i know u've had ur ups & downs.
but do remember that u always have ME?

and Kamal of course. :P

bbe, who loves yea? :D

mwahxess!~

XOXO