untitled

one night of hell.

one used to say that i am too emotional.
and yes, i dont deny it.

but in attempt to control it. i didnt realise, i kept hurting myself on the way.
in my everyday life, not once am i not touched by something said to me or done to me.
thus, i made an approach not to blurt it out, instead i kept it to myself.
i tried healing myself, tho failed most of the times.

i tried positive thinking.
what they said is true. based on my own self. my own personality. my own characteristics.
but then, each time i came back home, i caught myself thinking.
am i really that natural?
or am i a plastic?

i acted like i dont care. i smiled i laughed along.
when all i'm thinking is that, when will all this stops?
maybe i'm destined to live this life.
but till when?

i have my limits. tho my limits had been crossed several times. several uncountable times.
i still kept it to myself. coz i dont see the point in me making a fuss out of it.
but the thing is, when u kept something to yourself long enuf, u will find yourself thinking bout it constantly.

these things that they said about me, its the truth.
i couldnt deny it one bit.
but couldnt i at least get some peace?
things dont change over in one night.
my conditions are not helping.

even when i'm typing, i'm recalling every names, every silly mistakes, every truths that hurts.
even when i'm typing, i'm thinking what will they say about this post.
even when i'm typing, i'm guessing what will you made fun of me this time.

thanks.
for being there when i need u the most.
my apologies.
if i'd ever hurt u in every way possible.

tonight, is just one night of hell.

XOXO